Pain

It's what I always wanted, so what am I waiting for? 
I start to cut, and feel the pain.
It sears through my hands
until I drop the scissors
I sit back and the tears form
Shredded fabric and paper
surround me on the floor
Will I ever be able to finish this?
Who knew that dreams...
could be so painful!
Do I have the strength 
to push through the agony?
To make it in a world
where people disbelieve an illness they can't see?
If there were some kind of medicine 
that could ease this pain, but would kill me eventually... I'd take it! 
Now I understand what they mean by "quality of life!" 
I'd rather not have to live my whole life with this pain and frustration.